Over three years ago my life changed within 24 hours. A very naive person. Trusting in what I learned in school, that if you do good unto others, they will do good unto you. That if I did not bother anyone, no one would bother me. A young woman leaving a failed marriage with two children to raise.
After my failed marriage I had a strong urge to want to help other women. I wanted a women’s ministry and a house where women could come in and get counseling, and clothes, and food, and personal hygiene kicks. A safe place for women to be vulnerable about seeking help without feeling judged. The passion to help others has always been something that God placed down in my soul and no matter what I have gone through, that urge has not gone away. But I felt a strong urge, that I had not been through enough yet. I felt that it was more to my story than a divorce. Weeks after I said this, I found out the other written story line.
Surviving my childhood is one thing, but then having to survive another traumatic event is another. Seeing a life claimed in front of me. Having to relocate my children and finding Christ on the floor of a bathroom. Feeling like my life was over. Hopeless and broken. Feeling a constant danger developing PTSD, and being too afraid to sit at a stop light in my own car. But yet, Christ called me into His Kingdom. Seeing something in me, that I did not even see myself.
This is a different type of blog, it is emotional to write. Tears of Joy, because I thank God I am still here and in my right mind. The name Jesus still heals, and there is protection in Christ. Force to move back into my parents home, only to be greeted with laughter, mocking, and criticism. Told “you might as well end your life if you’re that scared.” as if what I had experienced was not traumatizing. Again, my childhood home never was a nurturing space. So I had to become an expert at sweeping and running.
Where is safety if your parents home is not a safe haven? God had another plan. He saved me on the same day we celebrate the resurrection of Christ. How significant is that, I can never forget the day He saved me! Calling me into a Safe Haven, His Will. I was scared, broken, depressed, and hopeless. I thought my life was surely over. I had to learn to trust God and those He sent to help me. This all happened four short years ago.
I share my testimony because maybe this is you. You just experience something traumatizing and have no support, no friends, no nothing. You’re stuck, you do not know what to do. I write this to let you know Jesus is waiting with arms wide open! Waiting and calling His child home. Surviving that trauma, means you are a soldier in God’s Kingdom. Do not let the devices of the enemy tell you otherwise. Depression will tell you to stay stuck, anxiety will keep you anxious and unrestful, suicide tells you the world is better off without you. But GOD says “ Romans 8:28 KJV. Joseph did not allow depression to hinder him even though his brothers sold him into slavery. David, on the run from the King and his enemies was evidently given rest from all his enemies. In fact one of the first stories I ever read from the Bible was the story of David. If you are a trauma survivor read 1 and 2 Samuel. David survived all of that and was a song writer.
Christ allowed me to survive and allows me to write. Truly grateful, and this is my full time job, my full time commitment to Christ. People view writing as a hobby, as something to do on the side. Writing is my Spiritual Therapy, my Divine Communication to God. I write, He receives my prayers.
Trauma can not keep you bound, because in Christ we are set free from it all. You no longer have to be depressed, anxious, hopeless. My life had no purpose before Christ, in Christ I have purpose, God is going to give me an expected end. My children and I are safe. Healing is daily. The body heals itself daily. But in Christ, we are already healed making me a survivor.
Blessings,
~Author J.M.
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